Q&A Wednesday: Should women lower their relationship standards after a break-up?

Welcome to Q&A Wednesday on KWaK!


This week’s Q&A is about break-ups! We asked divorce coach Summer Howard:

After a break-up, are women looking for something that doesn’t exist in a man?  Should we ‘lower our standards’?

SummerHoward-0366-Edit“Hell no! We shouldn’t lower our standards, but we should definitely check our expectations! We can get all wrapped up in the looks and material aspects of men, instead of focusing on things that really matter, like a man’s character, has a longer lasting impact on your happiness in the relationship.

Time and time again, I’ve witnessed exciting and lasting relationships when these 3 elements are present: mutual respect, mutual trust and chemistry.

Of course we want the container that God delivers these three things in to be as hot as Channing Tatum! But, seriously, if it’s ALL chemistry and the respect and trust aren’t there…then…RED FLAG…. you’ve got to move on!

I vividly writing my list on ‘non-negotiables’ for a boyfriend after I divorced my husband of 8 years. Along with a lot of other strong character traits, on that list was “Must be at least 6’ tall”. So silly, but it mattered because visualizing my new life after such a hard break-up was essential to my emotional recovery. I tell all my clients to start believing in the best possible life after divorce because 1) you deserve it, and 2) it’s possible!

If you’re recovering from a break-up, I’d advise you to do one simple thing: Start living your life to the fullest by being the attributes and values you want in your man (kindness, strength, etc.). Then, stand back and watch what a beautiful man-magnet that makes you, because, essentially, YOU are the person you’ve been looking for!!”


In addition to being a Certified Divorce Coach(TM) and custody guru, Summer founded BridgeToBliss.com, an online resource for women dealing with all stages of divorce or separation.  Summer is a bright and shiny voice amid a deeply serious topic and can be found with her deliciously blended family (which includes her 6’ tall husband) in Boulder, CO.




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