Choosing Who Stays In Your Life
March 15, 2013
Aside from family, mostly everyone else in our life is a product of our choosing. I’m convinced that when we know who we are, and when we know what we really want, we become more actively selective and aware of the folks that we will and will not allow in our lives, and into our MIND.
It’s easy to blame everyone else for all that is going awry in our lives, or for our shortcomings, or mood, but NO ONE ELSE is breathing for us, seeing for us, eating for us, or pissing for us [unless we’re cheating a drug test], so how could they possibly be thinking for us – and responsible for what’s wrong in our lives? Are you allowing someone or something to impact your thoughts so much that you stay in a rut, unable to move or just plain old unhappy? Are you allowing a person or past situation to paralyze YOU – to stop you? Think about it.
How many steps forward have you taken this month, this week, yesterday, today, or in the past hour? What’s holding you back or should I say, Who’s holding you back? Why do you think its them and not YOU? Although it could be hard at times, we must keep ourselves in the driver’s seat of our own mentality – our own mind.
Letting someone else control how we move, how we decide, how we live is a massive decision often made in such a passive way, there’s no great enough reason for this, unless you’re not an adult, living somewhere bound by someone else’s rules and way of living. Is it really worth it to allow someone to make you drive yourself crazy? Please note that THEY are NOT driving you crazy (as we’re used to thinking of it), you are ALLOWING someone’s actions or inaction, expressed thoughts or words to bring you to a point where you are driving yourself crazy, it took me a long time to realize this – I’ve only come to know this recently, thanks to a friend who helped me to realize this. Think about it; its your mind, not theirs, you control your thoughts and how you react, not them – unless you’ve handed them (whomever) this power over you. Is it possible to stop driving yourself crazy, and blaming it on others? Probably not at first because its hard enough to wrap our minds around the notion that WE actually could drive ourselves crazy but the truth is, we all have done this – well I suppose I should only speak for myself, I’ve done this time and time again, and anticipate that it will happen less and less because I’m more aware of it now.
How many times do you mention someone else’s name throughout the day and it has all to do with what’s wrong and unpleasing and less to do with what’s right and pleasing? Replace their name with your own name, and say your name, and begin to take responsibility for your part in it, if you can bring yourself to recognize your part, whatever IT is – fix yourself, heal yourself, worry less about someone else who is allegedly stressing you. You are stressing yourself. Just because they say or do something, it doesn’t mean that you HAVE to react in a manner that stresses you out. See, its your choice to ACT or react in a certain way – no one made you do anything, unless they put a gun to your head or threatened your life. While you’re all stressed out about something pertaining to them, they’re probably on to the next thing, focused on something else and so why harp on whatever it is?
I realize that I cannot change you, and make words like “WAKE UP” enter and penetrate you, so I’ll leave that up to you. In the meanwhile such words will continue to work through me – I’m not perfect. Prior to coming to terms with all of this, I would say that he or she stressed me out or that he or she pissed me off BUT it’s really more-so that I, ME, Ebony Brown have allowed myself to become pissed off or stressed out by a certain person’s actions, inaction or something they said. Do you see the difference? Is this making sense? The difference is taking the responsibility off of the other person and putting it on yourself, because they cannot and do not control how you react or respond to something that they’ve said, done or haven’t done – they could probably predict how you’ll act, but they are not responsible for your actions and stress levels, YOU are. I finally understand that when the feelings of being pissed off or stressed out overcomes me, that it is hugely in part due to MY choice to react or respond in a certain manner and the way that I respond will either perpetuate the stress or alleviate it. And so, why not cho0se to get to know yourself better and master how you will respond to something that usually stresses you out or pisses you off.
An after thought….
All of these years, the thought of burning a bridge or cutting someone off was so far from my mind – I thought it was wrong and unwise, and selfish, but we only have ONE life! Only the people that we WANT in our lives, IN our personal day-to-day sphere should be welcome; no friend or person should be in our life out of pity, guilt or obligation. Walking away when necessary has been one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had, and I recommend it whole heartily – but of course, use your own discretion.