You are not hearing a word that I’m saying. I allow myself to believe otherwise, so I keep going, I keep talking, I keep trying to get through to you and into you, and finally I pause, I breathe and I just shut up to let you speak, while I listen. I listen and not speak, in part because I’ve allowed you to exhaust me (but you can’t tell because you keep talking). In addition, amidst our exchange it dawns on me that I was too focused on fixing you, or fixing it or whatever it is that’s stressing you instead of simply listening to you, and so now I’m quiet, but very much present and still receiving you – not for long though.
I realize that whatever it is that you’re going through isn’t about me, its about you (a good friend helped me to realize this). Saturated and soaked, your brain is drowning in its own self defeatist thoughts, and I thought that I could save you but you leave little to no room for another perspective, for epiphany nor growth, you cry out for help but you remain closed, citing your doubts and disappointments, making space only for more of the same sh*t that is ailing you (your past), and you’re failing to recognize that you are doing this, whatever “this” is to yourself and I’m not judging you – I WAS YOU. My words are simply observation. Everyone moves and learns at their own pace and so, I’m not rushing you and you should be patient too – patient with yourself.
As I listen to you speak, I can see that your eyes and soul are buried in the scripts of your burdensome thoughts creating insecure self-talk, and even though your eyes occasionally make contact with mine (as if you’re listening), they roll back into memories that ticker across your mind, keeping you stuck in a place where you are dying more than living, where you are weakening more than strengthening, which is scary but sometimes necessary. Can you hear me? No. Because now I’m quiet and this is what I’m thinking while you’re speaking, because you’re saying the same thing over and over again (I’ve done the same, so we’re not all that different). I’m convinced that when you truly become sick and tired of being sick and tired (which we’ve all heard before), you WILL take action and the only person that could stand in your way is YOU, not me, or him nor her from the past, or them who you see everyday, or this family member or that co-worker, or a crazy boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, Ex-spouse or whomever, just YOU – only YOU could stand in your way.
Is the person that you’re talking to listening? Are they talking with you, or at you, or over you? Are they speaking down to you, or like they’re above you? Are they listening? Are you paying attention to their eyes, to their breath to their body language? Are you over analyzing a situation? Are you present to receive them and what they’re saying? Are you both engaged in a conversational EXCHANGE where you both feel like you’re being heard? Do you feel like what you’re saying is so much more important? Are you both fighting to be heard, fighting to talk? Are you cutting each other off or assuming what the other person will say? Are you judging them or feeling broken by them judging you? Are you listening? Are they listening? How can you tell? Do you collect yourself in order to tell or to see if they’re listening? Do you want his or her advice, or suggestions, or help? What do you want? Do you want the other person to just shut-up and listen and be an ear, or a shoulder, or simply there for you? What are you saying? Are you listening to yourself? Are you still talking? Why? Just DO. Why are you still talking to someone who isn’t listening? Do something. Stop telling yourself that THEY will change. Change yourself. Show something. Be something more. Get something. Get what you want. MOVE. No one HAS to hear a word that you’re saying because what you do will be loud enough. What you DO will be louder than what you say. GO! Never-mind, who’s NOT listening, pay attention to YOU and to those who will listen and who will support you without judgment or over – compromising conditions. GO! Be amazing (someone said this to me once, and its something that goes a long way). RISE. Make this hour the first hour of the rest of your life headed in the direction of your deliberate choosing. GO!
Reposted with permission from the author.
[image source: twin72.typepad.com]
Leave a Reply